Before we find someone who is going to be out soul mate, our lifelong love, or just a close friend, we must first have some understanding of who we are and be okay to be with just ourselves. Now this might sound like one of those self-help books, but bottom line, wherever you get the advice from, book, grandma, mother, friend, it is true. If we don’t like ourselves then no one else is going to give a crap about us one way or the other. So, take a mirror out (perhaps the same one you used to examine yourself before posting your profile), and look at you.
Do you like who is looking back at you?
Would you hang with you?
Would you ask you out?
Silly questions at first, but think about them.
Now, would you go to the movies alone? On a Friday or Saturday night? Or would it have to be in the afternoon on a weekday, when most people are at work?
If you wanted to go to Red Lobster, or similar, would you go if you couldn’t find someone else to go with?
Do you go to the mall or shopping for anything but groceries by yourself?
After much growth and just plain aging, I have realized there are too many things in this life I want to do, and I want to do them NOW! I don’t want to wait for some guy to come along and take me to see a movie I have been dying to see since the first preview. If I want crab legs, by damn! I will go to Red Lobster. I don’t even notice if others are looking at me, probably because I don’t really notice if someone else is there alone either. I don’t believe there is some unwritten rule only a couple (man and woman, two friends, etc…) can go out in public together. Give me one good reason a single person could not go by themselves to see a movie or eat out. Trust me, the waiter doesn’t care, and neither does the ticket taker. No one places a big sign on your back saying “She’s alone, couldn’t get a date!” Please! People in this day and age don’t care, and most don’t even notice.
Now to get back to the issue of being cool with ourselves: If we do not have the self confidence to go out to a movie by ourselves, then we are sincerely lacking. You either care too much about what others think, or are too self conscious. Either way, STOP! I don’t care how much you weigh, how tall/short you are, or if you have a big ‘ole zit on your nose (maybe you should take care of that first though, don’t want to scare small children), this is it, this is you. I lead my life like this: What is the worst that could happen? Yeah, I guess everybody could stand up in the theatre and point at me, yelling, “She is alone, no date!” Seriously don’t think that is going to happen. Simply because I would yell back, “Look at that guy with the big belly, or that chick with the zit on her nose (told you to take care of it before you left!).” The realistic worst which could happen is somebody looks at you sideways, and you interpret this look as reading the big sign on your back. In reality, they probably didn’t even notice you weren’t with someone, and if they did, they could be envying (yes, green envy) you because you are able to go it alone.
There you have it: no big signs are posted on your person; people don’t care if you are out with yourself or ten people (as long as you are not alone making the noise of ten people!); and a lot of people, especially women, are envious of any woman who can just go places by herself. I find the beauty of this whole going out alone thing like this: I can wear whatever I want to; I can eat as much popcorn with or without butter, and I can put my feet up on the bars in front of me, instead of trying to be all ‘lady-like.’ When I go out to eat, I usually sit where I can watch a game. Two reasons for this: one, I actually like watching lots of sports; and, the drinks are closer this way, better service all the way around. If I wanted to be real conniving I could also add in many places where are all the guys hanging out at dinner time if they are single? The bar.
If I have a particularly stressful day, I go to my favorite bar, play Janis Joplin and Melissa Ethridge (empowering music), order my food and cosmo, and I am off playing whatever my limit is for the night on the video poker. I don’t sit and get drunk, I don’t go to the ATM for additional cash to gamble, and I don’t even really know how much time has passed, till I realize my selections are through or I am at my limit on the machine. Good therapy. I don’t go home with anyone, don’t even notice anyone. As far as I am concerned, I am there with me, the bar is empty, and I am in my head. I have been picked up on a few times, but I so quickly blow it off, or the bar-tender, who knows my routine, does it for me, it doesn’t even touch my balloon of de-stressification. I always remember two things when I go to a bar or casino and a guy picks up on me: 1)Don’t be surprised if the guy who picked you up at the bar is an alcoholic, and 2) Don’t be surprised if the guy who picked you up at the casino has a gambling problem. Many don’t have these problems, to be sure, but the ones who do gravitate to places which support their addiction.
Look at others who are out going to movies, dinner, and shopping. Many dress so bad, I wouldn’t even take the dog out looking like they do. These days one does not have to be all gussied up to go out, we can dress however we feel comfortable, which can be scary sometimes when looking around, but basically good all the way around. Yeah, it would feel a bit funny to be all dressed for a fancy party, and walk in alone, but, hell! Been there, done that, as well. No big deal once I got in the party. Go out and do what you want! Don’t wait for someone else to take you. Think of it this way: The date could really suck and end up ruining the movie you had so been looking forward to, and if you would have went by yourself, well, that would be a great date, ‘cause you’re a great date!
Rene
