I have been on and off online personals for about 6 years now, I come to you as an experienced online dater. The reason I hear most for people turning to online personals is talking to strangers in public is hard and can end up creating distrust, which is just the opposite of old school rule. So, many either don’t date at all, or turn to online dating. Those who don’t date at all wait patiently for the right person to come out of no where, or to be introduced to them by a friend. The others who opt for online dating encounter other issues. Some terminology to clarify some online dating terms: “psycho” is any male or female who does not get the hint of someone not being into them, can’t let go of a dating partner, or who become an online stalker; “toxic ex” is the ex boyfriend or girlfriend who constantly calls, shows up, threatens, or is just a general pain in the ass of the person you are interested in; and, “online stalking” is a rather new concept but can be described as constant emails, checking their MySpace© page to see who they are sending comments to, or other online activities which are basically spying on the person who is not into you. Online dating has its own pros and cons. The pros are you can usually get a look at who the potential courtier is by their profile. Granted, they could lie about everything in the profile, but I have found most are fairly accurate. Sometimes they falsify their appearance, income, or interests, but you can usually figure out the misnomers by just chatting with them on the internet or phone before the first date. Speaking of Internet chatting, I am not speaking of chat rooms; my experience is you will find more freaks in chat rooms than in any singles bar. If you keep it to just email or IM’ing, you can learn a lot about the other. Pay attention to your gut, not how much is sticks out, but the feeling you get while chatting with the person. The cons of online dating are what I hear quite regularly: she/he looked way different in their picture. Yeah, I guess some out there are not able to be honest with their pictures and use high-school pictures, someone else’s picture, or no photo at all. I have heard many men state the woman looked at least 20 years older when they actually met her. Just had a date with a gentleman who told me of two women he met through the online personals. One was about 200 lbs. more than her picture or profile stated. The other he didn’t even recognize, even though she was wearing the color of clothes she said she would, because she had used her sister’s picture. When he commented he didn’t recognize her as she walked around the bar, she said she got that comment a lot, and told him it was her sister’s picture on the profile. My thought was, does she get the additional comment of, “is your sister single?” I have also had men who claim they are all into athletics, hiking, skiing, and love the outdoors, only to find they love to watch the fishing channels, love to watch games on TV, and watch all the travel channels. The most athletic they get is when playing a video game, so their thumbs are in great shape! They are so white they haven’t seen the sun in eons, to go outside in the daylight would require SPF 45+. My best experience with a guy who claimed he was very athletic in his profile. I kept asking him if he was sure he wanted to date me, as I was not athletic, just walking was my forte. He was sure he wanted to date me, yet I was trying to be upfront and honest, and even give him an out if he so choose. After meeting him, it ended up I was more athletic than him. I would ride his Nordic Bike longer and harder than he would, whereas he would stop and start, and just cruise. I walked a lot more than he did, and he drove everywhere. He also ended up gaining a lot of weight while we were dating, I lost weight. I have also met people who state they are average in the physical department, but not so average when you meet them. I gotta’ wonder what their definition of average is, and should a chart be provided to help people figure this out when preparing their profiles. Just cruising the ads, you see many, and sorry guys but this seems more true of the male than the female, in which the guy is late 40’s and is looking for a woman no older than 30. She must also have a great body, but yet his picture shows him with a belly. It’s time to get real here! Women, though, have their own tricks. The picture switch is the most common. Women also seem to have a bad habit of not just letting a guy go. If you two chat, and he doesn’t respond, let it go, he isn’t into you. Don’t push if he has already checked out, the pursuit is just not cool. Actually, you end up being one of the horror stories they tell others later! The new term for this is online stalking. Both sexes have the habit of having one date, and then pursuing the other even though it has been made clear they are not interested. I have had the guy who continued to write poetry and send flowers, even after I have told him I am not really interested in dating him. Then I have had to get rude to another, actually telling him he was a jerk, and threatening to get a protection order against him because saying “no” was simply not clear enough. I guess what I have discovered here is dating is hard, no matter how and where you do the pick-up. The real issue it appears is honesty. Be honest whether in person, or online. If you are not confident enough about who you are, don’t lie and state untruths whether in conversation or in online chatting. Eventually, all truths come out, and how can you expect honesty from another when you are not honest with yourself or them? Trust me when I say I would rather meet an average looking, individual who is honest, than someone who states they are athletic, and has a pot belly. Tell me if I am wrong here, but I believe this is true of both sexes. Before you post a profile, look in the mirror, write what you see. Another great source is what others say about you. I have no problem when a guy states in his profile, “…my friends say I am good looking…” At least he is not boasting and he has friends! Always keep in mind you may be meeting someone who has actually seen the picture you are providing on the profile, so keep it real. Also, one date does not a relationship make: if he doesn’t call or email you back after the first date, it is okay, move on. If she doesn’t respond to your emails or let’s your calls go to voice mail, delete the name and email address and move on. This is a big ocean, and there is no shortage of single men and women. Rene Winsor
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